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CITY OF VANCOUVER, BC – The Zombies could rise any time, if rents are to say anything. “I can’t afford to die,” said 100 y/o Ina Graves, “I have one foot in and the rent is crazy, a whole plot will kill me despite death.”
Suicide may drop when people realize there is little savings in death rents.
One Zombie was seen eating brains said, “I was just evicted from my Vancouver plot,” he said, “It’s not my fault I have eat brains out of the East Van trash bins!”
Mayor Robertson said, “hey we decided 3000ish was affordable, I can afford it, so it’s affordable housing. Gregor and his council live in poverty as the few people in Vancouver who can vote themselves a pay raise.
When asked about all these horrible rent situations Kerry Jang just responded by signing his RX Pad and committing people who were a problem for him.
“Finally a free place to live, and drugs!” said a man who was complaining at city hall and later sent to the VGA Assessment Wards for Paranoia. “It’s great I can get housing some how, but what about the suicide they watch me for?” the unknown homeless man of no important name said, “Potters field goes for 700/mo.”

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Categories Comedy, Satire

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CHUNNEL, UK THRESHOLD, UK – Amidst new strict laws regulating the ridicule of anything, especially Nazis, and tough anti-Terror laws stopping threat of 80 pound women dripping wet, tough retro-active sentencing has been adopted. In doing so, as of 21:00 last night the entire cast and crew was pulled out of their means of travel, just exiting the Chunnel, and were pulled into a dank room and shot in the back.
They were expecting to do a reunion of their Australian “Hate Crime,” the border guard said, “We set it up, it was a ploy with the BBC as our final solution to this filth,” said MP Nutya Byznus, “One day our ancestors will praising our name with love in their hearts.”
Meanwhile several rapes and bombing occurred behind MP Byznus, that the non-specific gender pronouned MP would have noticed had they stopped bathing in blood for a moment or hours…it was several hours.
Some drank it. It didn’t get better.
Prime Minister May. could not be reached for comment, her secretary said she was just hurt they started without her.

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Categories Comedy, Satire

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#Metoo is going strong and people are wondering, “why don’t they believe women?”
Some say it’s this sick obsession with due process, and “evidence…” maybe hang ups on pictures and broads who are shocked a home visit audition went bad. But no, people traced the problem too the Mulva incident.
“People who watch and repeat Seinfeld are rapists!” says Alice Morono, “One day it’s a clever dirty joke, the next it’s ….. nag nag nag … and he’ll rape her, and because she said he did, even know she didn’t have a smoking dress.
Arch feminists are calling for a ban on all comedy mentioning vaginas, to avoid these potential rape by accredited repeated humor.
“These people are nuts,” says arch feminist critic and feminist lawyer, Susan Bee, who thinks that suing over sitcom jokes is “why people think Weinstein is still an ok…well Cosby… well some of them are okay guys.”
Still Mz Morno insists the only way to do things is a full on assault on comedy, and end to a sense of humor.
“It’s working in Vancouver,” she insists.
Will Comedy win the war? One can only tell.

*When quoting Comedy or Comedians, give credit where it’s due, don’t pretend it’s yours.

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Categories Comedy, Satire

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CRUSHING LOSESVANCOUVER, BC – Kim Campbell ragged on journalists and news readers who flashed their ankles, “It’s undignified,” “the men were at least wearing long socks,” she went on to say.
Campbell, the former forgotten Female PM, was just outraged that this porn was called news and said in her day they would tar and feather people for “such filth.”
Her former Reform Party competitor and Libertarian, Ian Isbister, fainted when the issue was mentioned.
When a news producer, Miss Soji Nee was asked, she stated her station’s official stance was, “That since the 1940s policy had changed, as the laws didn’t find anything sexual anymore about ankles.”

French
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Cheville indigne: Kim Campbell
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CRUSHING LOSESVANCOUVER (C.-B.) – Kim Campbell a dénoncé les journalistes et les lecteurs de nouvelles qui lui ont montré des chevilles: «C’est indigne», «les hommes portaient au moins de longues chaussettes», a-t-elle ajouté.
Campbell, l’ancien Premier ministre oublié, était tout simplement indigné que ce porno a été appelé nouvelles et a dit dans son jour qu’ils goudronneraient et plumeraient les gens pour “une telle saleté”.
Son ancien concurrent du Parti réformiste et libertarien, Ian Isbister, s’est évanoui lorsque le problème a été mentionné.
Lorsqu’on a demandé à une productrice de nouvelles, Mlle Soji Nee, elle a déclaré que la position officielle de sa station était: «Depuis les années 1940, la politique avait changé, car les lois ne trouvaient plus rien de sexuel au sujet des chevilles.

Hungarian
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A bokák tisztességtelen: Kim Campbell
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Kimászó veszteség – VANCOUVER, BC – Kim Campbell az újságírók és a hírlistaikkal szemben, akik a bokájukat villanták fel: “Tiszteletlen”, “a férfiak legalább hosszú zoknit viseltek” – folytatta.
Campbell, az egykori elfelejtett női főnök, felháborodott, hogy ez a pornó hír volt, és azt mondta a napjában, hogy kátrányozni fognak és az embereket “ilyen mocskot” fogják.
A volt reformpárt versenyzője és a libertariánus, Ian Isbister elájult, amikor a kérdést megemlítették.
Amikor egy újságíró, Miss Soji Nee-t megkérdezték, azt állította, hogy az állomás hivatalos álláspontja az volt, hogy “az 1940-es évek óta megváltozott a politikája, mivel a törvények többé nem találták szexuálisan a bokákat”.

Dutch
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Enkels Onwaardig: Kim Campbell
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VERDUISTERENDE VERLIEZENVANCOUVER, BC – Kim Campbell wankelde over journalisten en nieuwslezers die hun enkels flitsten, “Het is niet waardig”, “de mannen droegen op zijn minst lange sokken”, vervolgde ze.
Campbell, de voormalige vergeten vrouwelijke premier, was gewoon verontwaardigd dat deze porno nieuws heette en zei in haar tijd dat ze mensen te veel zouden opdienen en vervloeken vanwege ‘dergelijke vuiligheid’.
Haar voormalige partij van de Reformatie, Libertarian en Ian Isbister, viel flauw toen het probleem werd genoemd.
Toen een nieuwsproducent, Miss Soji Nee, werd gevraagd, zei ze dat de officiële houding van haar station was: “Dat beleid sinds de jaren veertig was veranderd, omdat de wetten niets seksueel meer vonden over enkels.”

*First multi-lingual Satire article.

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I will pout as long as the world lasts or the Liberals bow down to me, said the NDP Leader. “It’s my turn, damn it, my turn mommy, it’s mine,” Mr Horgan said while having his diaper changed.
“I demand to have the power,” he said. going (and on), “don’t my tears count as anything?”
“I will hold my breath and pout, I shall control BC, not the Liberals under any leader, or turn blue….” he went on, making the reporter’s stringer wish he learned how to hold it.
“Sure he’s infantile,” said the BC Greens Leader, “but he is still denying our independence if it says it stops Christy Clarke, despite not…hmmm…”
He had no position on pouting saying it’s going to be discussed at the next AGM if there is a BC Green Party still.

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